My Rock

I had a shit day. I felt like I was going nonstop, but I didn’t even start any of the big items on my task list, let alone finish them.

My mom just moved out of assisted living into an independent apartment, and the transition is going poorly. She’s ill-equipped to be on her own, and I’m living 9 hours away. The new landlord has a terrible management company that doesn’t fix anything unless you threaten to go to the rentalsman. So I spent about two hours on the phone with her, over several different phone calls, helping her sort it all out. So stressful.

I had just gotten to working on my courses when Dearest came home, and I didn’t even get up to greet him. I was surprised he was home from work so early, and focused on my material and trying to complete all my tasks. When I did get up though, he told me to keep working, so I guess I actually did the right thing by not getting up in the first place. He wants me to make some real progress on those courses, since they’re the closest thing I have to a job right now. But boy, it takes a lot of time keeping the place clean! No wonder I was always so messy!!

At the end of my third (fifth?) phone call with my mom, I was just wiped out. I curled up in a ball beside him and he just stroked my head and said “good girl.”

That used to bug me, good girl. It reminded me of training a dog (I’m not into humiliation play). But I’ve come to like it, because he says it with love and genuine praise. It also helps that he stopped using his “talking to dogs” voice when he says it! 😉

It just made me feel so safe and comforted. I knew that even though my mom was relying on me for support, I could rely on him. There was something about how he consoled me that was just so much more soothing than before we introduced the D/s dynamic. I don’t know if it’s because he’s feeling more protective of me, or I’m just letting myself admit it’s okay to rely on someone, that it doesn’t make me dependent or insecure to need someone. To need him.