First face fucking!

I’ve it never been big into blowjobs. Or even small into them. I’ve only had a couple boyfriends I’d do it at all with, and only if they asked really nicely, and I was never that into it. I don’t imagine they were very good blowjobs.

With Sir, we had a mostly sexless marriage for most of our relationship*. I never gave head. I established early on that it wasn’t something I actually enjoyed doing, and Sir isn’t the type to enjoy someone doing something dutifully if they don’t enjoy it themselves. So he long ago gave up the idea, and seemed generally fine with that. Or at least resigned (*edit: He says not resigned, and wants to add that we’ve had a happy, comfortable, and successful marriage to date, and neither one of us was craving more for most of it.)

But in our discussions around this whole Ds thing, I expressed that I’d probably enjoy having his cock shoved in my mouth, if he wanted. He was taken aback, since it was never something I’d been interested in before. But then, none of this is anything I’d been interested before, so he just added it to the list of “Who are you, and what did you do with my wife?” He kept it in his back pocket to bring out for just the right moment.

Author’s note: My Liege hasn’t attempted to rescue his charming, sweet wife from my secret lair. I continue to hold her captive, keeping her occupied with cat videos and bubblegum. My evil plan is coming together without a hitch.

It turns out that right moment was just the other night. I wanted to write about this yesterday, but needed some time to reflect. And savour.

It started out on a completely different page. I’ve been dealing with this annoying wart on my finger, and I decided to get aggressive with it. I did a freezing treatment earlier in the week, and then it was sufficiently beaten down that I was able to pick at it and get down to the root. I soaked it in water for a few minutes to soften up the tissue and really help the freezing treatment get in there. It worked. I kept the freezing in place for a whole minute, instead of the 20 seconds recommended on the package (I really want to kill this little fucker). It hurt SO MUCH. Then I took off the freezing, and it hurt EVEN MORE.

Sir, compassionate and caring man that he is, saw my pain and sought to relieve it. Failing that, he settled for distraction. He bit my neck. Hard. My reaction was immediate, I melted into a puddle and let out a deep sigh for good measure. He followed that up with some hard (for me, not for him) spanks, pinches, and nipple grabs. It really pushed my pain limits! My thumb was completely forgotten.

I still maintain that I’m not a masochist. The pain itself doesn’t feel good, but the whole experience feels good. I enjoy pushing my limits and making myself tolerate the intensity. I’m finally starting to learn not to top from the bottom, not to try and limit and control everything he does. I just express myself, like if it really hurts I’ll make hurty noises. I’ll provide enough feedback that he knows where I’m at, attempting to nonverbally express whether I’m enjoying it or merely tolerating it, and let him decide where he wants to take me. Isn’t that supposed to be the whole point? It’s the control I want to give up. I’m starting to really learn what that means, within play. And I find that I enjoy it much more when I don’t fuss and try to micromanage the sensations.

Eventually we got to what I knew, and hoped, was coming.

“Turn around.” I was bent over the couch. I stood up and turned around.

“Get on your knees.” Oh goodie!

“Suck my cock.” YES!

It was everything I hoped it would be, and more. I was so enthusiastic and just threw myself into it. He actually seemed surprised by my eagerness. I’d shared before that I wanted to be face fucked. Once I was getting into sucking, he decided that seemed like a good time to get more aggressive. I gagged. It was fun. I gagged a LOT! There were tears. It was intense. It was hot! I was a mess. I absolutely loved it.

It’s so weird.

Even just 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have been remotely thinking this way. I was such a prude! If he would ever have come home and told me to suck his cock, I would have laughed and asked if he’d gone crazy. Now if he walked in the door and said that, I’d be on my knees with a twinkle in my eye, faster than he could get his work boots off (Sir, I hope you’re reading this…)

“Stand up. Bend over.” Oh goodie goodie goodie. I was about to get my brains fucked out! Sir did not disappoint.

“Play with yourself.” Sir loves it when I help make myself come. But he didn’t let it get that far this time.

“Turn around and taste yourself on my dick.” Mmmm.

Then more face fucking, more gagging. I was really nervous that all the gagging would be a turn-off, but I think it’s part of the attraction. I have to remember this isn’t vanilla. It’s not supposed to be tender and sweet and loving. That making someone gag on your dick is pretty much the ultimate cock power move. I mean sure, anal is pretty degrading, but there are nerve endings in there that create a lot of mutual pleasure. There’s nothing “fun” about gagging, except how it makes you feel so powerless and submitted. Which is soooo much fun!!!,

The cock sucking was the major difference between this and some of the other scenes we’ve done before, but I think it made a huge difference. I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed how objectifying it was. I think it also helped Sir get a lot more out of it, since it’s a pretty big “about him” kind of thing! It helped keep the focus balanced between both our pleasures.

One thing that would have been frustrating if I didn’t know Sir so well is that he never came. He’s got incredible orgasm control, and he uses it extensively. He’s at that stage in life where a good orgasm means instead sleep, and he wasn’t quite ready to go down for the night. Since I’m not experienced at giving blowjobs, that might have been a cause for concern – didn’t I do it right? Was it that bad? But I could tell that one of the times Sir was fucking me from behind, he almost did come, because he pulled out really quickly. He likes it tight and I had slightly crossed my legs to make the space smaller, and that pretty much did it – I was getting face fucked again!

One thing that’s funny, after a day of reflection, is that I’m still shy about offering blowjobs. You’d think after that, I’d just get over it. But yesterday I wanted to give him one but was too shy (with my own husband!) to bring it up. We just weren’t in “that” headspace. Specifically, he wasn’t in the headspace to demand one (and/or wasn’t feeling the need for one), and I’m not yet accustomed enough to all of this to beg him to let me give him one. Or maybe I’m embarrassed that I actually enjoyed it. Or, and this is probably most of it, I’m still apprehensive about my performance.

They say that sex is like pizza, that even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. But that’s bullshit. I’ve had some really bad sex in my time, and it was NOT better than no sex. Not by a mile. So I don’t want to give a bad blowjob, because I’m not convinced that’s better than no blowjob. But then, I’m not a man. Maybe any blowjob is better than no blowjob. And certainly, any blowjob given with love and genuine attempt to please can’t be that bad, right?

I know what I’m doing tonight…