TLDR: The honeymoon is over and now we have to fit our D/s relationship into our real lives. At first I struggled with Zeus being less enthusiastic about day-to-day D/s, especially check-ins and just carrying himself in that more Dominant energy. But then I remembered how much I enjoy serving him and taking care of him as a huge part of my submission, and it became obvious. All I had to do to feel more submissive was remember that if he’s working long, hard hours, then what he needs more than anything is solid support: a comfortable home to come back to after work, delicious and filling meals (dinner with enough leftovers for lunch), and a wife who won’t be a nag.

When we first discovered D/s and started introducing it into our relationship, we had the immense benefit of me being completely footloose and fancy free. I was travelling back and forth between my home with Zeus and my parents’ homes, about 8 hours away. I was basically only visiting on his weekends (he works 10 days on, 4 days off, so I would come during the 4 days off.) During that time, his work schedule was pretty light, so he had plenty of energy on the weekends. We had lots of time to play and explore different facets of D/s, even though he was taking it slow.

Of course, such a fantasy world has to eventually return to reality. After I got things straightened out with my mother in my home town, I came to live “full-time” with my husband. I know, crazy right? But you have to understand, this was a really new thing for us. Throughout our entire relationship, we’ve lived apart 70-90% of the time. It just works for us, crazy as that sounds. But besides the D/s, we’ve been shifting into a more “shared life” marriage over the past year or so, and the D/s really sealed it in.

But we still had quite a bit of time together. He was working short days, usually home by late afternoon. He’d come home with plenty of energy since his work wasn’t especially taxing, and we’d still get to play every couple days. In between, we were talking constantly, discussing all kinds of facets of D/s, as well as life in general, our plans for the next few months and years, etc. We really connected.

And of course, eventually this too must end. Zeus loves to work long hours, and the opportunity finally arrived after months of pissing around. Typical Type-A, he loves to challenge himself to out perform year after year. He’s in a role right now that’s very goal-based and he really thrives on that. He’s in constant work mode, from the moment the alarm goes off (2.5 hours before sunrise, and it’s barely past the equinox!) until he settles into bed some time around 9pm. I snuggle in with him, even though I’m a night owl by nature. Besides the fact that I’ll be getting out of bed first to fetch his phone-alarm (we don’t keep it in the bedroom) and get the coffee started (I’m finally consistently remembering to set it up the night before) so it’s important to get my sleep too, there’s just the obvious fact that falling asleep together is sometimes the most intimacy we get during these long-hour work-days.

At first I found this frustrating. I’d lost my husband to his stupid job again! Work had taken my Dominant away from me. Grrr. But then I remembered, D/s is more than just a Dominant telling a submissive to do stuff. It’s a submissive serving her Dominant. And I don’t need his Dom energy to do that! I’ve been married to this guy for almost 8 years, and together almost 11… I know what he needs and likes! He likes his coffee, so I can have that ready every morning (he expects it now, anyways, so it’s not really an option). He likes my cooking (it is pretty good!) so I can have dinner ready, or at least planned, every night when he gets home, and make sure there are enough leftovers for him to take for lunch the next day. I can sort his “clean enough to wear again” work clothes from the ones that will walk away if you turn your back, and put the dirty ones in the laundry. Basically, I’m trying to anticipate his needs and support him as much as I can.

I don’t know how much our how long this would sustain us in the long-term, though. We’ll definitely need to explore some rituals down the road, and probably some kind of maintenance spanking sessions. I could feel myself getting antsy the other day, and I was really grateful Zeus gave in to my morning’s request for some play that evening, because I probably would have started losing my mind! It’s not that I need 24/7 control and in-my-face Dominance, but I do need to be kept in my place and reminded who’s boss from time to time. I still have a strong control freak streak in me, and it likes to come out from time to time. It has always bothered Zeus, since it means he got steamrolled. So now that he has an opportunity to shoot me down and put me in my place — and that I’ll actually like it! — I think he’ll gradually start coming into his own.

5 thoughts on “How I feel more submissive when Sir is feeling less Dominant

  1. I can relate to what you are saying here Leda. We have had various things happen to change our lifestyle and the energy that we have available and have had to make adjustments and shift mindset too. I think it is really important to let people know that this sort of thing can happen and that you can find ways to adapt. Thanks for the positive reminder that you can do something about it 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Yeah, I’ve noticed this coming up a lot in forum discussions and other blogs. I mean sure, ideally we want our Dominants to just “step up” and take over and fix it, but just because this is D/s, it still takes two to tango.

      Maybe it’s different in “D/s only” relationships, where partners are Dominants and submissive first, and the romantic relationship grows from that. But I’m a wife first, and so sometimes it just comes back to the ways that any good wife supports her husband, and vice-versa when I’m the one who’s busy.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “D/s is more than just a Dominant telling a submissive to do stuff. It’s a submissive serving her Dominant.” I love that thought and need to remind myself of this. Fo me it means I can’t let my need for submission to turn into neediness, as being needy will not serve my Dom the way he wants me to serve. If he isn’t feeling particularly Dom like, the best way for me to submit is for me to submit to his feelings and not try and force him to act contrary to what he is feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “If he isn’t feeling particularly Dom like, the best way for me to submit is for me to submit to his feelings”

    This is the perfect way to say it.

    Like

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