Am I a little? Yes, but no.

I’m fascinated that “little” is such a popular D/s identity.

I have to admit, I’ve been struggling with this whole little thing for myself, personally. It’s been on my mind a bit lately, because it seems to be so big in the scene right now. Or maybe I’m just noticing because it’s been on my mind lately? One can never be sure. Regardless. Every time I hear self-identified littles talk about the behaviours they exhibit when they’re “being a little” or “letting their little out,” I think “I do that all the time… does that make me a little?”

I giggle and skip, sometimes I talk in a soft child-like voice, sometimes I whine a bit although I try not to (I hate whining in real kids, and hate it even more in adults, but sometimes I feel shitty and whining just comes out). I even started colouring earlier this year, long before this whole D/s thing, because it’s fun and adult colouring is totally “a thing” now. Swinging on a swing set has always been one of my favourite activities. I run up to them every chance I get, swing as high as I can, and then get scared because I usually swing higher than I can still feel in control.

So by all rights, that makes me a little right? Well, no, it doesn’t.

Here we are back to labels. I feel zero resonance with the label “little” or “little girl” or “baby girl.”

I believe reason why comes back to cognitive dissonance. I’ve never been forced to suppress my inner child, it’s just always been a healthy part of my personality. It enters in varying degrees to every facet of my existence. I’ve always been playful, even in professional environments. I’m silly and goofy, and I don’t turn it off when I go out into the grown-up world. I have never failed to giggle when someone farts — I just can’t help it! I’ve never had a problem letting my inner child out whenever she wants (within reason). Since she’s never been stifled or suppressed, she doesn’t feel the need to express herself at inappropriate times. She hasn’t gotten twisted up into this “thing” that’s some kind of entity unto herself and needs to be let out in safe and controlled ways. She’s just the immature, playful part of my own self.

For his part, Zeus has always encouraged this side of me. He’s playful too, and we’ve always had a lot of fun with that. He’s naturally the protective type and seems to enjoy taking care of me when I need it.

There is no way in Hell I will ever call him “Daddy.” No judgement on those who do! But he’s got a complicated relationship with his own daughter, plus my dad’s still alive and we have a good relationship. Just, nope. Not going there. I mentioned it to him only enough to say “I’ve been reading about this thing, and yesterday I almost had an urge to call you Daddy but it didn’t feel right.” and his response was “Thank you for not.” with a tone that confirmed my suspicion that it would shut him right down, not just the scene but probably for the day.

So there we have it, other than dressing up like a kid (and really, have you seen the way kids dress these days?? There’s no such thing anymore!), I have the behavioural tendancies of a little, but I don’t identify as one. I might keep an eye out for little events and discussions, just because it will be interesting and fun to basically be myself and have it be “a thing,” but mostly I’m just me.

Oh, and in case you’re curious: Results from bdsmtest.org