I know a lot of new D/s couples go through these “we lost the dynamic!” crises in the early stages of their D/s relationship, but this is different. My husband has a gambling addiction that flared up again last week, and I’ve finally accepted this isn’t going away even though he promises never to do it again. Maybe I’d believe him if it wasn’t the bazillionth time I’ve heard that.

Therefore I’ve lost the trust and respect necessary to submit to him at this time. It’s also triggered an episode of situational depression in me, which manifests as apathy. “I don’t give a fuck if the house is a mess, clean it your own god damn self. It’s your fucking laundry anyway.” Etc. Some pretty harmful and unhealthy thoughts, to say the least. So yeah, D/s is pretty much the last thing on my mind right now.

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18 thoughts on “D/s marriage on hold indefinitely”

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this, Leda! Addiction is so destructive. I have a family friend who is a gambling addict and I have witnessed him lose everything…not just money, but his family and home as well. I am sending hugs your way and positive thoughts that things get better.

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    1. “Luckily” he’s almost as addicted to work as he is to gambling, so financially they somehow balance each other out, but it’s the trust that’s so hard to accept losing.

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  2. Sorry you have to go through this. Being around an addict, whether gambling or something else, must be tough. I hope you all find help to guide you through this time.

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  3. I’m sorry you and the family are having to go through some thing like this. Many years ago Sayyid had a gambling addiction. He was able to overcome it but the effects it had on my ability to trust him was long felt. I was eventually able to trust him again, but it took a long time and lots of communication. I wish you the best of luck as you both battle this demon together (because it will take a united front to do so).

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      1. ah yes. That’s how I felt as well. Something that helped me was I looked at it as “our” problem, to be faced together and I would tell him that. At first he kept telling me “no it’s my problem and I’ll deal with it” But I didn’t accept this and didn’t let him accept this either, because his gambling addiction impacted OUR lives, therefore we were going to face it together. This helped me feel less helpless and less hopeless as well.

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  4. Sorry to hear this, Leda.
    You may need to take the reigns a little bit in this regard… addictions can be tough to break. If you are open to ideas, there is a text out there that actually has a chapter specifically covering using feminine charms in order to control a man’s gambling addiction.
    If you are interested it can be found here:
    http://www.francescaspizza.com/
    I know this may be a bit of a reversal, but it may help you find some stability through this to get things back on track.
    Take care.

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    1. Thank you for the suggestion. Actually, we’ve never had a highly sexual relationship, even in the early days when most couples can’t keep their hands off each other. He’s just not a sexually motivated man, one of those rare types. But I’ll give it a read nonetheless.

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  5. Oh… Leda… I’ve walked a very similar road… I’m so sorry you have this road ahead of you-regardless of which path you take to get thru it.
    Should you need a shoulder that knows… I’m just a message away…0

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  8. So sorry to read this post Leda. I am sending you hugs and if you want to chat you know where I am. You are always welcome and maybe it would help to talk to people as it can feel really isolating managing with a situation where you have just lost something that you were so invested in. Hugs ❤️

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    1. Thanks Missy! I’ll keep that in mind, but it’s a little disheartening being in chat and reading about everything I’m now missing out on. I’ve found a really good support at one of the gambling forums though, and that helps.

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